Why LinkedIn Is Full Of Platitudes And "Horsesh*t"

Mark Ritson's trolling provides us with insight.

May 22, 2024

In 2021, I began a 3 year hiatus from LinkedIn (and all of social media). 3 weeks ago, I logged back on.

I follow Mark Ritson on LinkedIn as I’m sure many of you do. If you don’t know who he is, Ritson is a marketing thought leader who offers a refreshing perspective in a sea of bullshit. I don’t agree with him on everything, but I love his style. He’s sort of like a younger Bob Hoffman with more in-depth advice.

**Warning: This article is going to sound like a high schooler gossiping for a bit, but I promise there’s a point.**

When I first hopped back onto LinkedIn, I witnessed Ritson call out a marketer who I will not name. Let’s call them “Infographic Steve.”

I don’t want to name anyone other than Mark Ritson here because I’m not sure if they’re as comfortable with notoriety as Ritson clearly is.

“Infographic Steve” posted the following infographic of an oversimplified marketing model:

Ritson responded.

Love you but your model is sooooo bad it defies feedback. Stop posting. Read more. Don’t give anymore advice until you’ve read this.

Now, I will not defend Ritson’s specific comment. I will only defend his brutal honesty. Yes, he was a bit mean, but he was also being Mark Ritson.

What really interested me about this post was not Ritson’s brutal honesty. It was the dishonesty of his critics. One in particular who I will name “Platitude Paul.”

Here’s what happened:

“Infographic Steve” posted the infographic
Mark Ritson insulted the infographic
“Platitude Paul” jumped in and criticized Ritson for being so direct without constructive feedback
Mark Ritson responded to “Platitude Paul” that he’s tired of all the horseshit on LinkedIn and that maybe “Platitude Paul” should get proper training if he thinks “Infographic Steve’s” model is good. He also repeated his admiration for “Infographic Steve” even though he disagrees with him. I’m paraphrasing.

“Platitude Paul” responded to Mark Ritson’s comment suggesting he should also get proper training, with the following:

Mark Ritson, if you can't see the enormous flaws in your comment strategy then you should seek proper training from someone. For today, it might as well be me.
In my humble opinion, here's what you should have commented.
“thanks for your feedback (Platitude Paul), I'll take that onboard. If I came across as crass or aggressive that wasn't my intention - I'll put it down to one too many coffees this morning. I guess I should have been more nuanced in my feedback, but my experience tells me that marketing is an holistic, integrated art, and that simplified 'catch-all' models don't get to the nub of the deep complexities of modern marketing.
The training that I created and run digs deeply into all the myriad functions of marketing, and helps give real clarity to how to approach strategic and tactical challenges through every stage of the product life-cycle, and for every type of organization.
I'd love to invite you to join me for {insert call to action} - you're the kind of person I created it to benefit.

“Platitude Paul’s” response could easily be taken as satire, but he was dead serious. He’s been so indoctrinated by LinkedIn that he honestly believes people should talk to one another in this way.

If I may, let me translate “Platitude Paul’s” tips for debating someone on LinkedIn:

Sandwich your disagreements between pleasantries you don’t mean.
Apologize half-heartedly when you aren’t sorry.
Make a joke about coffee to seem relatable.
Defend your position, but in the weakest way possible as to not offend.
Water down your message with buzzwords and phrases like “feedback, holistic, integrated, modern, clarity, strategic, tactical, product-life cycle, call to action.”
End with a half-hearted invitation to waste more time explaining your position to someone you don’t want to talk to again. Especially if they’re going to educate you on LinkedIn speak.

Mark Ritson responds to “Platitude Paul” and others with…

I hate to break it to you, but you’re not the market. I’m entirely comfortable with my approach. I accept it’s not the approach you could or would take and that’s fine with me…I respect “Infographic Steve” very much, I think his map of marketing is terrifyingly bad. He posts it on a forum and asks for feedback. I make sure I’m clear how much I respect him. Then I tell him honestly and from a place of expertise that it’s awful. That’s not disrespectful it’s honest. If you can’t see the difference it’s not my fault.
There’s too much faux respect and support around these parts. Call it! Debate it! Make sure you play the ball, not the (wo)man.
But for goodness sake! You want a forum? Let’s have a fucking forum.

**Ok, gossip is now complete.**

A couple of things:

First, Mark Ritson definitely toes the line between criticizing the man (“Infographic Steve”) and not the ball (“Infographic Steve’s infographic”) when he tells him to stop posting and read more. In the best light, it could be perceived as honest advice; in the worst, it insults “Infographic Steve” for not being well-read. That’s why I won’t defend Ritson’s specific comment, even if I will defend his brutal honesty.

More importantly, quietly existing within Mark Ritson’s response is a word that I believe gets at why no one is honest on LinkedIn. The word “could” appears in the sentence, “I accept it’s not the approach you could or would take…”

People on LinkedIn are paralyzed by the fear that a potential employer, client, or colleague might be offended by a comment or post from several years ago. Mark Ritson has the luxury of doing what he wants; he’s already successful. But “Platitude Paul” and most others are not so free. Their livelihoods can depend on their “personal brand” on LinkedIn.

That’s the real reason no one is honest on LinkedIn or any other social media platform. It’s precisely why LinkedIn is a cesspool of “horseshit” to use Ritson’s word (I clearly prefer bullshit because it means something very specific and allows me some freedom to use it as a devout Catholic).

People don’t speak like “Platitude Paul” in real life—not to their friends, anyway. If they did, they would be laughed out of the room. LinkedIn speak is awkward when used anywhere outside of LinkedIn, emails, and press releases. But LinkedIn is public and can be permanent if someone screenshots your post or comment. If you slip and sound human even one time, someone could be waiting in the wings ready to pounce. So everyone plays it safe.

There is some honesty on LinkedIn, but it’s often faux honesty and partial truth. It’s honesty dressed in LinkedIn speak, aimed at going viral. This type of honesty usually doesn’t tell the whole story. And it’s not very…well…honest.

Here are some examples.

“I was broke and living on my friend’s couch. Now I’m a multi-millionaire.”
“I’m on LinkedIn because I want to deliver as much value as possible so you can succeed like me.”
“In December, I found myself unexpectedly laid off. I’m not writing this post for sympathy but rather to shed light on the reality faced by countless others in similar situations. Let's navigate this journey together!”

Allow me to translate these LinkedIn cliches…

“I was broke and living on my friend’s couch. Now I’m a multi-millionaire.”

Translation:

My dad handed down his already successful business, left me an inheritance, and/or invested millions in my new venture. Now I pretend it was my “grit,” expertise, “hustle,” and proven process that got me where I am today. You can be successful too with my advice (classic Gary Vee move)!

OR…

I’m not a millionaire, but you can’t prove that, so I’ll keep saying I am. Instead, I’ll rent a mansion and some nice cars for a weekend and pretend I’m a multi-millionaire until I actually become one.

“I’m on LinkedIn because I want to deliver as much value as possible so you can succeed like me.”

Translation:

I used to have a career similar to yours, but let’s not discuss my actual client work—it was terrible. Now I realize I can make more money teaching you how to do it while inspiring you with platitudes! My advice is free! …on LinkedIn. But you can take my $2,000 course or receive one-on-one coaching with me for only $500/hr!

I can’t even begin to tell you how rampant this is in brand design corners on LinkedIn.

“In December, I found myself unexpectedly laid off. I’m not writing this post for sympathy but rather to shed light on the reality faced by countless others in similar situations. Let's navigate this journey together!”

Translation:

SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! I lost my job, I’m broke, and I’m desperate! What I really need is a job to help support my family, but people on LinkedIn seem to think that’s selfish and not “purposeful” enough.

I’m not interested in speaking like this. I’m motivated to expose myths and seek the truth, which is why I’m not afraid to call out bullshit on LinkedIn.

I try to be respectful when disagreeing with others, but if I had to sandwich my critiques between pleasantries and platitudes to stroke egos, LinkedIn would be my personal hell.

When I debate others, I genuinely try to play the ball and not the (wo)man (though I’ve failed a time or two). But I refuse to adopt “LinkedIn speak.”

It would be “inauthentic…” Damn it! It’s only been 3 weeks! See what you’ve turned me into, LinkedIn?!?

UPDATE: I just spoke with Mark Ritson about my article and he wanted to add two things.

Ritson reached out to “Infographic Steve” right after commenting where he suggested remedies through DMs that aren’t reflected in their public comments.
After expressing his gratitude to Ritson for their DM conversation, “Infographic Steve” turned the whole debate into a LinkedIn Post about how he gained followers after he was trolled.
“Infographic Steve” begins with “On Saturday, I gained 200+ followers.” This is another LinkedIn cliche that often translates to, “I can do things differently on LinkedIn and be rewarded. As long as I don’t really do anything different.” In this case, “Infographic Steve” seems to believe his marketing meme “…can stir emotions, often touching on insecurities.” In reality, his marketing meme wasn’t controversial at all. I’m sure he had no idea it would cause a stir. Most oversimplified bullshit advice doesn’t and people rarely call it out as such. In this way, Mark Ritson might call LinkedIn one big circle jerk and I might use Mark Ritson as an excuse to use a phrase that’s a little too crass for me…
Finally, I would like to point out that “Infographic Steve” used one of the cliches from this very article in his troll post saying, “I post to help businesses and marketers succeed.” Sounds eerily similar to “I’m on LinkedIn because I want to deliver as much value as possible so you can succeed like me.” Would everyone please stop pretending they partake in the cesspool of horseshit that is LinkedIn for purely altruistic reasons?!? If that’s your only reason for being on LinkedIn, you are just a glutton for punishment.